Shaken Soda Bottle

So sorry I haven't posted in awhile a lot has happened lol and on top of that  im a bit busy with school (and trying to graduate) and trying to get my spirit right.  I also realized that i post very long blogs and i somewhat tend to push it aside because they tend to be time consuming even though they help my faith walk sooo to sum up a couple of events....       

  Thursday April 15

• Was the day i set aside to organize my life (school note), clean house and study for my exam and what happened? This Thursday was exam day!!! I walked into class to take an exam I though was next week, lol talk about wrong timing.  After i took the exam I met a friend of mine told her the story and she offered to take me to get smoothies that she promised I couldn't resist.  There is always a silver lining.  I went to my dorm and cleaned my room and had a talk with the Lord

Friday April 16

• I woke up at 6:30 in the AM to go to the gym i decided that today was a  new day and I've been sluggish long enough it was cool I was early to my 11:15 class (which my professor was so dear to take not of.) Me and my Friend walked almost 4.5 blocks to have a smooothie (she promised ^_^) which was REALLY GOOD!! It was made out of strawberries, bananas, yogurt and get this OATS! I also took advantage of the additional protein and whipped Cream option! 

• I also That night one of the RSOs (Registered Student Organizations) I dropped had an annual event which I planned on not attending .They still feel sometime of way that i was women enough to say that the position I held (PR) was to overwhelming. Our relationship was strictly performance base and when i left their actions proved it.  i was supposed to do my friend's hair for the event (she was hosting it) but she never contacted me until I sent her a text and she said maybe and if i could also do her make-up.  After that didn't hear from her.

   I hung out with my cuz and she is a beautiful person inside and out! She is studying to be a phycologist and that so wonderful because I need help!  Anyways I was talking about my relationship with my "friend" which also spilled into the relationship I have with my mom and my sister.  I revealed that I get soo angry with them, its like the ones that i love are the same ones that continually make me frustrated and hurt.  i also realized (with her help of course) that the three of them can be toxic to my and the way I feel about myself and affect me in a lot of ways that I never really thought about.  I unconsciously make efforts to limit myself in their company due to the fact that "i just can't be around them like that." I always knew that it couldn't be completely their fault because they're 3 different types of individuals.  We came to the conclusion that i hold a lot of emotions,mostly hurt and anger, inside.  Peaches compared me to a shaken soda bottle their actions and comments make me angry and I get all fizzed up but i suppress my feelings and then im back to normal.  I'm really good at forgiving and being an adult....so i thought.  I always found myself quoting scriptures which remind me to be slow to anger and slow to take offense.   After a while, after shaking the soda can and letting in settle, shaking the soda can and letting it settle something spontaneous happens.  The can explodes!  That is exactly what I would do!


This is what I would do before I rededicated my life to God.  In my relationships I would take stuff and not say anything and forgive and do it over again but as time passed resentment would kick in and i would be soo fed up that i wouldn't care.  All the things that i took offense to or hurt my feelings churned inside until i became cold.  At that moment I would decided to bring up some issues that may have happened recently and try to express how i felt but because he wasnt used to it he misinterpreted my concerns as meaningless talk or he would just apologize.  Either case I would intentially hurt him by saying its too late and that im done!  He would want to talk but I would be soo cold and hurting and crying and spewing out everything I held on too.  My words would cut and  the fact that i would cry made the situation upsetting.  After I was done I would secretly take pleasure in knowing that he felt what i was feeling on the inside.  What liberated me was destructive to him and the worst part; i didn't care.  I wanted it to burn and I wanted him to suffer like I had too like I chose too.  With my mother I would just stop all contact.  I wouldn't call her, I wouldn't see her or anything.  When we did talk i would be pleasantly monotone and uninterested.  I did this because I wanted her to feel what I felt which was isolation and abandonment.  I still loved her but there would be a time "of explosion" when I was very cold-passively.   I thought that I sacrificed a lot for people.

Now I know that I have to express how I feel instead of letting it go.  I'm not cold anymore or  carry the burden of unforgiveness but I still have some issues.  The solution SPEAK ABOUT IT!! So far it has worked and it's the best advice i have ever gotten, do you know why?? Because the people you love the most would never intentionally make you feel like that or hurt you.  Everyone fights and disagrees but if you express yourself then it make it possible to actually see eye to eye or agree to disagree.  They JUST DIDN'T KNOW!!! How can I expect them to?  Guess what else....SOMETIMES I INTERPRET THEM WRONG!!! That's the power of communication and the Power of God! He knew I needed to get over this stepping stone and that's why He blessed me with my cuz so she can help me out with my issues lol!!

LOL F+

Hey! Ok soo I stayed up all night to find info for a couple of power point slide :/ And guess what lol!?!? My presentation topic was completely wrong!!! I received a 4/6 Because I presented the wrong analysis!!! WOW I went to sleep at 6 only to go to class at 11:00 lol!! We also received our exam grades and i got a 56% LOL FAIL!!!! The class average was a 65% so i din't feel too bad but still...

But

Their is no failure in Christ Jesus!! There is no failure in God because God can do all things.

Mark 9:23 (New King James Version)

²³ Jesus said to him, “If you can believe,^[a] all things are possible to him who believes.” 

He can keep you from complete failure IF YOU BELIEVE. You may fail at something (like my quiz), you may even fail at one thing repetitively but you are not a failure!With  Christ,  if you believe, you can pass whatever test (spiritual, academic, job related, family oriented.)  


 In my previous Blog It was revealed to me that if you take Faith and mix it with the Word of God  (Hebrew 4:2) you can enter into God's Rest.  Failure allows us to feel unworthy, obtain low self esteem and feel incompetent.  Feeling like a failure distracts us from the lessons that God wants to teach us.  Satan will use your failures to break you down to the point where you give up on being what God wants you to be! This causes separation from GOD!!! It also prevents us from entering God's Rest of spiritual Peace, Love and Security.  Often times I have to remember to focus on the lesson God was trying to teach me and not the fact that I failed.  Whenever I fail I usually beat myself about it even after I ask for forgiveness because I struggle with forgiving myself for my actions or thoughts.  If this sounds familiar remember If you are a child of God: 

Romans 8:1-3(New King James Version)

Free from Indwelling Sin

 ¹ There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,^[a] who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. ² For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh,

Romans 8:5 (New King James Version)

⁵ For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

Faith requires you to BELIEVE!! You have to believe in the POWER OF GOD and HIS WORD!   You can't pick and chose what commandments and promises you will believe in either! You can't believe in one and not the other.  God describes his power through his Word to his children.  It's soo important to read his Word detailing his Works which shows HIS power. 


Back to my Situation: I Believe in his word but I have to admit i wasn't acting like it.  If I had been in my Word like I should have been I wouldn't have acted  inappreciatively of my blessing to attend this college.  I would have spent more time praising him and giving thanks through my studies.  I  know that God wants me to be better and he requires more effort on my part.  I have been lazy and procrastinated.  I acted foolishly because I did not take heed.  He speaks of laziness and procrastination. After looking at these verses I feel ashamed of all the time I wasted taking naps and on Facebook. I also believe that there is no condemnation so I must ask for forgiveness and guidance so that I can use the days and time he has blesses me with more effectively. I'm so happy that I started this blog because it makes it so easy to see what God is trying to do with my life and easy for me to study my word.  Thank you Lord for Caring enough about me to push me in the right direction!!

Rest in HIM! Hebrews 4:1-16

Rest in Him was the message that was delivered in Church today and I needed it.The message came from Hebrew 4:1-16.   Rest...If you click on the title of this blogg you will see the multiple definitions of the word "Rest."  Today I learned that God wants us to rest in Him and the only way we can rest in him is if we TRUST HIM! Trust him with our whole being, trust him a hundred percent! HE wants us to rest from what worries or disturbs you to be "inwardly composed and peaceful" as my pastor stated.  We should be free from guilt and worry concerning past sins.
Romans 8:1

 ¹There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit

Our sin is forgiven!In Christ we are established and we should rest in confidence with trust in GOD's power, care and Love.  


In Hebrews 3: 16-19 It mentions how Israel wondered in the wilderness for 40 years who after hearing God still rebelled!  They saw the miracles of  God but chose not to obey due to their  unbelief. Their unbelief caused them to sin which prohibited them from entering God's rest!

Hebrews 3 16-19

¹⁶ For who, having heard, rebelled? Indeed, was it not all who came out of Egypt, led by Moses? ¹⁷ Now with whom was He angry forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose corpses fell in the wilderness? ¹⁸ And to whom did He swear that they would not enter His rest, but to those who did not obey? ¹⁹ So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief.

Keep in Mind it wasn't sin that caused them the privileged of God's rest but the Unbelief.  Their unbelief of God's power, goodness and most of all His Promise led them to astray from God's word which caused them to sin.


Often times we don't listen to God and our patience wears thin. Issues that we have been praying for don't seemed to get resolved and we start to lose faith. Sometimes we take issues into our own hands which may cause us to sin against God such as not tithing during financial pressures.  Hebrews 4:1 The promise of God's rest is still there! 

Hebrews 4:1

¹ Therefore, since a promise remains of entering His rest, let us fear lest any of you seem to have come short of it.

We must obey God and do as he says.  As proven earlier there is no condemnation in Christ, God takes us through things (we wonder in the wilderness) until we get it right!! God has something better than what the world can provide.  He has great Plans for us

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God will allow you to wonder in the wilderness until you have no choice but to trust in God. 

2 Corinthians 1:8-10 (New King James Version)

⁸ For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. ⁹ Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, ¹⁰ who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us,

 Until your faith is built to the level it needs to be he will continue to do things so that you can reach out and call on him, There are things that God wants to bless us with and we are going to need Character and Faith in order to succeed.  He chastens those he love:

Hebrews 12:7-8 (New King James Version)

⁷ If^[a] you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? ⁸ But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.

Our Faith has to be  built so that we can enter God's rest.  We HAVE to Believe in the Word of God!! 

Hebrews 4:2-3 (New King James Version)

² For indeed the gospel was preached to us as well as to them; but the word which they heard did not profit them,^[a]not being mixed with faith in those who heard it. ³ For we who have believed do enter that rest, as He has said:

“ So I swore in My wrath,

      ‘ They shall not enter My rest," although the works were finished from the foundation of the world.

      

The Word of God is so Good! The only way we can enter rest is through Believing in the Word of God and Having Faith.  According to Hebrews 4:2-3  Those who take heed to the word and have faith in the word will enter into God's Rest.  God has made Promises to us! You must first know what those promises are.  In the Bible God has declared promises to his children, thats why it is important to be in the word.  Secondly, we must have Faith in the Word, Faith that God will do what He said he will do.  How can you not have rest if you have Faith in HIS word? Here are a couple of verses I will read everyday to myself:

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears."

Psalm 18:2-6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6

 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it 

1 Cor. 10:13

"And Jesus said unto them ... , "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to younder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you."

Romans 1:17

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13

... say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you."

Isaiah 35:4

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."

Proverbs 18:10

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

Proverbs 16:3

Amen To That!!

I had an Amazing time in Church today!! After Church me and God had a one on One and I toke a long  refreshing nap.  The nap allowed gave me some energy and I was able to briefly chat it up a bit with my mom.  Its Like April 11th and she needs to do her taxes and sadly so do I.  I was supposed to do them a long time ago and there is like no excuse as to why there're not done.  On a lighter note I will be seeing my mom and we can have some bonding time ^_^.  Ok sooo at that point I totally forget that I told my friend I would re-touch the do that I did 4 weeks ago. .......

Background Info: I do hair, mainly sew-in weaves and natural hair care, hopefully i can upload  previous and new do's.  I did a full sew in (no hair out) with Chinese bangs in the front it was really cute! 

But the Hair that she bought that (i wish I knew the name) SHEDS!! Her weave in the back was completely Bald!! I saw tracks with NO hair attached to them.  Even as I sowed in additional tracks to cover the bald spot the new tracts started to shed!  I have noo idea what hair she used but it was soo beautiful when i did her hair and the new tracks today looked awesome BUT as we all know looks can be deceiving.  

....Anyways Before I did my gurl's hair I met my sis and cuz at my dorm's computer lab to talk a little and help my sister recover her 3 page H.W document.  Thank You Lord for helping us Deliver that assignment!!! 

After I did my gurl's hair i chatted with my sis and cuz and made my way to to dollar store to get some supplies.  My Dorm is a mess, a wreck a triflin collaboration of Shame lol!!! I have really been feeling bad about some things that I will post later about and my space is always a reflection of how I feel and where I am at in my life.  I needed new cleaning supplies, a new mop and broom.  So even though it was about 7 I walked to the store located about 4 blocks from my dorm to shop.  I picked up a couple of t=other items like make-up remover, mascara and panty liners.  I also got a couple of snacks for my sis and cuz...

Sidebar:  I feel really good about myself when I do things for people free of charge I love to be a blessing to people because I appreciate it when people bless me and I want God to be like "thats my gurl" sorry it might be selfish but it makes me happy! I Love making others feel good!

...As i was saying, my trusty hippy-like sholder bag full of stuff in addition to mop + broom in hand i walked to my dorm just afer night fall.  I get back to the computer lab and now my Cuz was also having issues with the printers!! A really nice guy helped us out lol.  He walked over to the printer did his thing and it started to print.  What an angel!! It wouldn't be such a big blessing if it didn't take my cuz an hour and a half to find all the material she complied for her research.

They left after a short while (ok more like an hour) 9:30ish and now im back at my dorm ready to clean and scrub floors BUT WAIT!! I remembered that I actually have a presentation due tomorrow (><) Its only 3mins BUt I need to email it too my professor tonight and it's prolly going to take me 3 hours to do because each of my power  point slides have to be rich in detail and info because 1.) I have to do an Industry Analysis along with a Competitive Analysis of a Global company and 2.) I only have 3 mins and he will cut you off lol anyways i'm going to write another blog detailing my spiritual insight and i have to get to this presentation!  BTW I have like noo food and I just ate 3/4 of huge 5oz bag of White Cheddar Smartfood Pop Corn (in the black bag) with a glass of flat soda and I have a Philly cheese steak Hotpocket in the Microwave.  My stomach is already starting to hurt because 1.) I dont drink soda like that or eat junk food cause it makes me feel ickky (like now) and 2.) Im lactose intolerant 

.....Its going to be an interesting night lol 

NOTE TO SELF: only water for this sec on and fresh veggies,fruit and meat with ample amount of grains...starting tomorrow lol

Saturday Photo OP!!

As I stated in my previous blogg I was up all night working but TODAY...... (Saturday April, 10 ok what can I say im a late owl ^_^)....  WAS BEAUTIFUL!  I had my first photo shoot!! The best photographer I know ERROL EBANKS (http://www.errolephotography.com)  Mind you I'm no model  I'm goofy and dorky as Steve Erkle BUT it was fun; I felt free and vibrant.  Today we went to the river bank I was a little nervous at first  but I let the wind mold my spirits and the sun kiss my features.  In the mist of our conversation, flickering camera lights and the glances from strangers I soaked up all the nature surrounding me.  It reminded me of how Good God is; He whipped up creations such as sunlight, cool grass, misting waters and soothing winds just so that we can have the opportunity to bask and feel refreshed.  In those few and far between moments in life, we should hymn praises from our Spirits declaring  a humble Thanksgiving. 


To connect to Errol Ebanks' Website click on the Blogg's Title "Saturday Photo Op"

ResLife

Today was cool! I didn't really do much but I stayed up all night last night because of work.  I am an RA (Resident Assisstant) which means that I get my college housing for free if I monitor and rat on crazy behind college kids.  I deal with all types of people, most of the time it's pretty chill I walk around my 16 story dorm and make sure all is good.  I also had to decorate my Bulletin Boards which took FOREVER! I'm only responcible for 2 stories everyday and the whole building when I work my shift.  The deal is Pretty sweet because I get my own apartment for free and a check at that.  So whenever I'm on Duty I think about how blessed I am to be saving 7k a year!

Really New to this Blogging Thing ^_^

I'm sooo new to this Blogger thing lol, I tried Twitter but I guess I talk to much because 120 characters just don't do it for me lol.  But anyways I decided to start a blog because I have so many goals and objectives to accomplish and yet I have nothing/no one to really hold me accountable. Sooooo My first goal is to get my life together lol! I am an African American College Student who happens to be female with no idea as to what I want to do with my life or what I should be even thinking about right now.  I wouldn't call myself a lost cause but...


I grew up in an environment that wasn't too bad but hardly affluent, I am also the first in my family to ever go to college.   Throughout elementary and high school I was a "loner" unable to connect with the majority of peers and being the butt of jokes at times but I made it through! Not having a lot of friends I escaped through my academics and books.  As a teenager I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and he protected me from hazardous influences even if I was looking for trouble.  I suffered from low self esteem, depression and anxiety but I graduated with a high GPA and moved into my father's house to commute to College for the next two years.After my sophomore year I moved to campus and now im about to Graduate!! I learned soo much about myself, GOD and my friends and family and last but not least LOVE!!! College has allowed me to build character and strength.  I thank GOD for the opportunity to learn, fail, cry, laugh and see my potential.  As a super senior (second year senior, 5th year in college) I can see that Life is BEAUTIFUL!!!


 It doesn't always feel like it or look like it but it is.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and when I look at life I see the attractive moments and the negative times.  I see the times that make your spirit glow and warm tickled with sunlight and sweet fragrance sprayed. In addition to those moments I see times which make you feel dark,wet and cold shaking with fear and regret. Some people will stop there and say "life is what you make it." But as I take a step back I observe the moments after the bad times when wounds begin to heal and lessons are learned.  These moments are not as bright as our fondest memories BUT they are crucial to our development.  These moments help us to gain strength and wisdom; we appricate the good times when we have experienced the bad...