Alright!!

So I finally been preoccupied by the Lord's Love which has allowed for me to be obedient! I turned in my paper work to volunteer and I'm more serious about preparing my tides and extra offerings as soon as I get paid and not Sunday morning lol. Honestly putting God first feels good because I know that he is the only one that continues to look after me regardless of my actions.  I can never repay the debt of His blood but I can share HIS awesomeness! 


So what am I still struggling with?  Honoring my parents, i don't think im disrespectful but my mom has been really getting on my nerves (I did her hair right after I got off on Sat and that was a headache lol) and she has this habit of interrupting my sleep numerous amounts times to ask my simple questions.  I really can't stand when people have no regard for my resting.... that is soo disrespectful. Yesterday she flicked on my bedroom lights just to ask me if her shoes matched for the 5th time.  I was soo tempted to unscrew my light bulb and lock my door.  I jokingly told her that it annoys me when she asks me random questions (especially about items SHE misplaced).  I also don't like when she exists my room and forgets to close the door.  It wouldn't bother me so much if her boyfriend wasn't walking around, I don't like random men looking at me lying in my bed.


Anyways I'm still reading Nehemiah a chapter a day and I'm really contemplating about changing my diet and hair/skin regiment.  I want to stop eating processed meats and food.  I also want to use only natural products in my hair and skin.  As I nourish my spirit with the word everyday I want to also nourish my body like God intended.  I have more hours this week at work so im happy about that : ).  Still looking for a full-time job relevant to my major but while im looking im going to focus on rejuvenating my spirit and body.  Oh yea I want to gain 20 lbs of muscle! Gaining weight, eating right and using natural products can be very expensive so I guess ill dab a little for now and hopefully before Jan I will have that job but for now no processed meats!! AND lots of carbs! 


   

GOD loves ME...

After writing my blog last night I realized that It was hard for me to dedicate my life to God because of a few reasons.  It was hard for me to trust God because I was scared that God would force me to do things I didn't want to do.  I also thought that working in His kingdom and in ministry would somehow take away from all of my dreams and goals.  I thought that living for God would only be a lifetime of spiritual battle between my own desires and God's Plan for my life. Do you want to know what I thought Gods plan for my life was?  Boring mediocrity; never using or exploring my full potential and never getting to experience life worth living.

But the Holy Spirit intervened and reminded me that God is Love and He Loves me.  This I knew was true and the Holy Spirit challenged my preconceived thoughts..."Why would God do this to me if He Loved me?"  The Holy spirit directed me to this website: 

  http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/how_god_sees_us.php

I learned so much!!  God LOVES US!!! He wants an intimate relationship with everyone of His children.  You have to go to the Website! He's always there and He wants to Bless us not only with material things but with joy.  He takes time to nurture and protect us and NO ONE can love us like He Can.  I wanted to learn about His Love so the holy spirit directed me to this website: 

http://www.godandscience.org/love/biblicallove.html

God has agape Love for us, unconditional!  I always wanted to be truly loved and I always felt that I loved others more than they will ever love me.  I know for a fact that I have felt abandoned by everyone I've ever loved at least once.  I find it so easy to love others and I easily find myself burdened with such feelings.  I am soo glad that I know a Being who will Love me forever no matter what I do, what I look like; while never asking for anything in return.  He loves those who don't even know Him; he loves those who even abandon and hate Him.  I feel so good that there is someone who is quick to stand up for me, who teaches me and protects me with all the power He has.  I realized that it is soo easy for my to bend over backwards for my friends and family because  we care and love each other.  When I think about all the love that God has for me and how I have put my boyfriends/friends/ and family before Him, I get so angry.  All those times I was at a place I shouldn't have been or doing things I had no business doing I let God down.  I disappointed Him.  For what? To get approval from people that didn't really care about me like that and here God is who loves me the most!  It didn't make sense to me.  Because God loves me so much and is soo patient with me I will dedicate my life to Him because at the end of the day He is the one that cares, He is the one that mourns when Im sad and off course  and He is the supplier of ALL of my joy.  I decided to put God first before anyone or anything else.  I want to dedicate my life to God because hey...it feels good being loved.  I am in Love with the Lord lol..

I found this website which talks about serving the Lord:

http://www.lsministries.org/articles/serving_lord_jesus_1.html

God wants us to serve Him by serving others.  In everything that we do it must be for Him and not the "warm gushy feeling" you get when you do something good because that feeling isn't always going to be present.  We are commanded to serve.  We have to Choose to consecrate ourselves totally to the Lord.  At this point I struggled with this idea yesterday but today I realized that God loves me soo much and has been there for me soo much my life is a small price to pay for the love he supplies daily.  Not only that I trust that the Lord will lead me to a promising future (Jeremiah 29:11). Why? Because He Loves me soo much : ).  He loves me enough to make sure im going to be ok.  His Love is what makes trusting Him so easy because  I trust that HIS WORD is true and I have Faith that He will never leave me.  We were made to serve..something.  As humans we were made to want to help, encourage and be a part of something.  Now I know that I want to live to serve God.  

Well I'll be...lol

So I was like so ambitious to be diligent and disciplined last night and I so didn't do anything today lol.  I hung out with my friend, dropped my sis's book off, cleaned my room and did my hair but the most important task did  not get done.  I am supposed to be volunteering at a youth center but yet I still didn't get the paperwork mailed yet : (.  I think ive been distracted by the world's glitz and glam that I haven't really been focused on what I need to do and what I stand for.  As I meditated with God today I realized that I haven't been trusting Him to lead me to the right direction.  I've been indifferent about life these days because I sort of gave up.  What are my dreams? What do I want to do with my life?  Why do I feel like assimilating rather than revolting?  Most importantly what is my true pigment?  Do I wait for God to show me what they are supposed to be or do I find these answers in my heart? I learned today that God has to have the final authority in my life, that he is the judge of what is good and bad.  I have to allow HIM to manifest in my life...why is this so hard to do? 

Weird Dream

I had a weird dream before I woke up.  I was hanging with a friend I used to hang with freshman year of high school and we were riding our bikes together along the highway.  As we crossed the highway I couldn't get my bike to cut threw the grass medium.  As I looked at the grass I noticed little mice EVERYWHERE! Ive ever seen these type of mice before.  As adults, these mice were the size of baby field mice mature just enough to have a fur coat.  The mice in my dream had stubby tails.  But anyways they terrified me and found their way in my purse. Yesterday i had a dream with the same mice-like creatures lol.  Anyways my friend saw that I was left behind so she cycled her way back as I received a call that my Dad was dead.  When she came back she had a very annoying look on her face and she was stating that all her other friends don't like me and im holding her back and we wouldnt even be cycling if I had a car.  As I quietly listened to her she received a call that her dad was dead and for some reason i morned for her loss because both of our dad's were dead which was too coincidental.  After the news she thought it would be a good idea to talk about our friendship and helped me with my bike as we made our way back to my house.  For some reason I was great full that she still wanted to be my friend and only thought about her kindness instead of the shallow things she stated earlier.  As we crossed the highway we approached thick bushes which were infested with these mice and spider webs.  She parted through them easily but I was trying everything in my power to avoid the nasty spider webs and numerous mice.  I ducked, squeezed and climbed my way through the bush but nothing seemed to work. 

Wow its been a min!

Wow I totally stopped blogging for reasons unknown but I read over all of my blogs and a weird thing happened -I ministered to myself lol!!  As I was reading the lessons I learned in April those same scriptures encouraged me again.  So much has happened that I may have lost focus as to what is important in life and what I stood up for.

Re-Cap of Summer 2010:

-I graduated in May with a Bachelor's degree!!!
-My family actually worked together to throw me a surprise grad party with a couple of my friends ^-^
-My grad party was def a catalyst of family bonding and my parents and I have loving open and honest relationships not only as daughter-parent but as woman to (wo)man
-I co-planned a surprise b-day party for my sister (the first one she ever had in her life.... but of course I accidentally  ruined the surprise by sending a mass text lol)
-I was reunited with my cousin I haven't seen in 4 years and we had a blast!
-Still don't have a "real" job so I had two jobs at the mall but I quit one just because the manager sucked lol
-Cut all ties with my ex-boyfriend of 5 years even though I love him very much I pray for him daily
- Spent my summer with a crush/friend which allowed us both to grow stronger in the Lord and gain a friendship even though we don't communicate often...
-Oh I graduated my spiritual gifts class at church so I can def start ministry work at my church


Soooo what am I working on now? Since I don't work often and have so much time to think,pray and read the Word, im trying to stay focused but It's been really hard.  I went through a tizzy today because I just dont want to do what the Lord wants me to do because I don't see the point of it.  I realized this way of thinking is just showing me that 1.) Im not trusting in the Lord and 2.) I'm giving up.  Sometimes I don't know what the Lord has in store for me and sometimes I have doubts that if he wants me to do anything for Him than I can't because I'm not strong or diligent enough.

I know that the Being who created this world out of nothing has the ability to do anything...I need to believe and trust Him that He can make me what I need to be for what ever reason I need to be it.  Its one thing to doubt yourself but its another thing to doubt God.  I think I was foolishly crossing the line.  God has place the book of Nehemiah in my heart last week and my paster taught from it last Sunday.  I will read a chapter a day and place my daily devotion on here : ).  As my paster said there's only two things that separate people.... discipline and diligence.  I have discipline sometimes lol but no diligence soo I have to work on that too.

Goals:

-Read a chapter out of the book of Nehemiah everyday 
-Practice diligence by completing my readings and posting my thoughts EVERYDAY and doing everything i do with EXCELLENCE!! 
- Practice discipline by going to bed early to wake up early so that i can pray, praise,read,post and walk the dog early to start my day (now this is a stretch!!!)